Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

Dear brothers,

First off, pardon me if I post this thread in the wrong category. I was thinking here and 'Matters of the Heart' but I think its more appropriate here. If wrong, moderator please shift to the correct category.

You see brothers, I need advises/opinions. This is the most bottom times in my life. I do not want to ask advises from family or friends, because I do not want the opinions to be biased/double standard. I think its better to ask strangers because you guys do not know me well so wont be too judgmental. So here goes.

(this is as honest as it can be)

I am in mid 30s. In a 7 yrs of marriage with a beautiful daughter. A year or so ago, my family was introduced to a young beautiful girl by a relative (they are bf-gf )from my spouse's side. She was sweet, cheerful, girlish, all the good stuffs you could think of for a teenager. She used to stay over in our place, sometimes 3 -4 days never go home. My family and her became quite close. My relationship with her was mutual, we treated each other like Godbrother and sister, ya know what I mean.

Things change after the next 6 mths. The bf (relative of my spouse) became abusive (mentally, not physically). Bully her, taunt her, forced her to do things, etc etc. All in front of me and wife. So I began to felt sympathy for her, wanting to comfort her when her eyes turned red, but I know where I stood, and I stood firm.

So last November they broke up, and she began to move on, didnt come to our place anymore, just hi and bye messages thru FB. Last month it struck me suddenly to contact her and asked her doings. I thought it was all innocent..

When we contacted each other, I just wanted to ask her out and talk over drinks. But when we met, I felt this feeling that I have thought I had removed it forever in my heart. I began to fall for her.

Slowly, dates after dates after dates, I began to show my affection and care towards her, and she recipocrated by telling me she missed me la want to see me lar you know the sweet nothings. In the end I told her I have feelings for her, and she said she too have feelings for me but she didnt want to proceed more because Im married. And what see next shocked me.

"Baby, Im possessive and loyal. If I have feelings for you, Im sure I have it now, you have to divorce with your wife so that we can be together"

Now that coming out from a teenager, I did not know what to say, or do.

(Sidetrack a bit: For the record, I didnt marry my spouse out of love, but out of responsibility. Technically an arranged marriage. Cos I bombed her. Mum forced me to marry her, so bo pian. I was out of love since 2001 when the gf i loved most left me, so no more after that, not even my spouse, until now )

We continued datings. We even had sex. I was cock sure she was in love with me, with wat she said and did to me.

And because my relationship with my wife was already on cracks and hard to be fixed, I divorced my wife.

As she was still young and sweet and hot, naturally she had lots of contacts from boys. But lately this particular guy had been calling her, SMSing her and messaging her in FB. I was suspicious. Cos the way she talked to him, trying to say something but can't because I was there. I asked her if she was seeing someone or in a relationship with someone, she denied and die die say Im the only one in her heart.

Until 1 day I cannot tahan I logged into her FB (she used to tell me the pwd, I nvr logged in out of respect)

I thought my heart stopped.

A guy had been contacting her. All the sweet nothings and the sweet names she called me, she said it to the guy too.
She met him without my knowledge. And I dunt even know when she met with him cos almost every day I was with her.
In the message she said she cried because she missed him too much.

In the end I confronted her. And she finally admitted she was in love with this guy and this guy was in love with her and they were going to be an item.

But she said to me to keep my heart open and wait for her if I really love her, in case she and the guy cannot be together.

I was devastated.

1. What shall I do now? Should I move on? Or should I wait?
2. Is it my fault for having high hopes on her? I was god damn pissed because indirectly I felt she was the catalyst that made me divorced my wife.

I need advise. Please.

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

she is a teenager now?

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

1. MOVE ON. Which serious gal will ask u to wait for her, and let her try if she and another guy work out or not? If not, then she come back to u? Brother, u want forever be a spare tire? this is a WHAT THE FK situation. Just fk her few more times, and dump her.

2. She is the catalyst that speed up the process of divorcing your wife. You mentioned you have cracks with your wife, but the presence of her, elevated the process. Yes, you should be pissed. Pissed with yourself for falling for another gal when you got a wife. Sorry bro, this part, u need to slap yourself.

Good luck and take care.

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

TS, u said in ur post that u 'contacted' this gal just last month and in this 1 month u have divorced ur wife of 7 years?
I am not judging u, but i feel that u have been too impulsive. What about your beautiful daughter?
I feel this gal is too young and still not mature enough in the matters of the heart.

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

I'd say never trust to have a stable r/s with a woman who don't know her boundaries.
She edge into your heart just as easily as she edge into another man's heart.
And she don't even understand the concept of marriage.
She move on to a married man, and she moved onto another r/s when she's attached.
It just say so much about her values.

I'd say take it as a lesson learned and move on.

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

bro, first of all.
ask yourself what is love to you.
lustful sex? mutual understanding with trust? or a moment of passion?
from what i read, becos not really detailed, you had your little bro do the thinking.
well, i am not saying that love cant exist with big age gap. but lets face the truth.
with a big age gap, purpose and perpspective of life is going to be different.
understanding and the want in a relationship is also different.
what she seek might just be the thrill with the new guy or u were her thrill.
you said she told you she had feelings for you. but have you testify what kind of feeling? love? fun? lust? curiosity? so many more...

she told you she was possesive, well, guess she is not only possesive but selfish too.

if i were you, i will get my wife back unless she is already happily with someone.

Love before marriage is passion
Love after marriage is bond.
and that bond can and suppose to be built together 2 to 3 years after marriage when the passionate love is gone.

just my share of opinion.
brothers please don flame if i offend anyone.
GamXia

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

She is 18.

Yes bro, maybe Im a dreamer. In a sense, 'If you love her, let her go, if she loves you she will come back to you, if not you and her were not meant to be.'

2. Yes, should slap myself. But with or without her I will still divorce because of the unbearable tension that had existed long before she appeared.

Yes, 'contacted' as in getting real close to her personally. Else I have known her for abt 1 year plus.
Impulsive yes, maybe. Like I said she indirectly triggered me separating my wife.

Thanks bro. But its hard.. pfft.

Mr Young. Haha. Maybe. I think I let my guard now and swallowed her sweet words. She was so innocent back then and it was terrible that she WAS like this actually. Shud have just screwed her. Win-win situation.

And great quote. Borrow pls :)

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

Thank you.

Many people have tell me this. The truth hurts. Painful lesson learnt. Thanks

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

I juz pity ur wife and daughter...sigh

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

have a kid and some more mid 30s liao still dunno how to think, serve u rite ...

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

Ts,

Slap yourself out of it.. and move on.
dude, shes 18.. still young and lots to see..
you dont need a gal.. you need a woman in your life.. someone that is mature enuff to enter with a stable relationship with you.
screw the past, pick urself up and move on..

:)

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

Should be "ADVICE needed.".

and "I need ADVICE.".

There is also no such noun as "advises". "Advice" is a non countable noun so you do not add an "s" to make it plural.

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

HAHA!! you did this to me too!!!

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

u got what u deserved :D

Re: Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man
 

Thanks for the English lesson :)

Anyway, if it serves me right, so be it. I am not pushing the blame to anyone else when I divorced my wife. It will happen, but sooner than expected. I dunt pity my wife, but I am concerned about my daughter, but that is a different story.