Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 38 : Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and atempt to heal him. this is more commonly known as "a bahelor party."


Article 39 : A Bro never cries.

EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.*

*Applies only to the first time he retires.


Article 40 : A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 41 : A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro.
EXCEPTION: If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.


Article 42 : A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club.

WHY A BRO NEVER WEARS JEANS TO A STRIP CLUB

1. Cloth pockets are roomier and more elastic, allowing for thicker wads of cash.
2. Denim clashes with a club's leopard, zebra, or other safari animal motif.
3. One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER: Zipper.
4.It's a performance, and deserves respect. these erotic dancers have practiced tirelessly on a technically demanding piece of choreographed art. Would you wear dungarees to a ballet?*
5. You don't feel it as much on your kazoo.

*Trick question. Bros don't watch ballet.


Article 43 : If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the on-fligt movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.


Article 44 : A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.


Article 45 : A Bro never publically reveals how many chicks he's banged.
COROLLARY: A Bro never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged.

When a chick meets a Bro there are three things she wants to know:

1. How much money does he make?
2. Is he shorter than her?
3. How many chicks has he banged?

Eventually, she will figure out the first two, but a bro never answers the third question. If, however, a bro feels compelled to answer (i.e., sex is being withheld until he supplies a tally), he can calculate an acceptable number using the following formula:

HOW MANY CHICK IS IT SAFE FOR A BRO TO SAY HE'S BANGED?

n= (a/10 + s) + 5

n= number of chicks
a= Bro's age
s= inquiring chick's slut factor (1=nun, 10 former nun)

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 46 : When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "i got it," whether or not he's actually got it.EXCEPTIONS: Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car, loading an expensive TV into an expensive car.


Article 47 : If a Bro should accidently strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.


Article 48 : A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.
If you can't get a bro to scope out your blind date beforehand, there is a way to at least learn how promiscuous she'll be –– have her choose the date venue.


Article 49 : A Bro is not required to remember another Bro's birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably would't kill him.


Article 50 : Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 51 : A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty's day and other official Bro holidays, including halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).

BROETRY CORNER

There was a young lass from Killarney,
Who promised a gentleman named Arnie,
That she only was his,
Though a fat lie this is,
'Cause last night she was screaming "O'Barney".

I was in love with a chick named pam,
Who showed me pics of her fam,
Pretty cute cat,
But her mom was fat,
So i dumped her that night on the tram.


Article 52 : Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.


Article 53 : A Bro is required to alert another bro if the Bro/Chick ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to Avoid Broflation, a bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ration of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.


Article 54 : A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that bro has thrice confimed he wants to hear it.


Article 55 : A bro doesn't grow a mustache.

Exception: When shaving, it's more than okay for a Bro to keep the whiskers around hes mouth untill the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.

Exception: Tom Selleck.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 56 : A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless its out of state or, like, crazy expensive.

WHEN BAIL IS CRAZY EXPENSIVE?

Crazy Expensive Bail > (Years You've Been Bros) x $100


Article 57 : A Bro shall honour thy father and mother, for they were once Bro and Chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.


Article 58 : If a bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information avaliable tho his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks is Bro already knows.

Chicks seem to think annual events other than Mardi Gras, the NFL Draft, and the day the swimsuit edition comes out are worthy of celebration. I don't understand why, either, but i do know if become involved with a woman for more than the occasional toss in the hay (which is expressly not advised), you'll need to be able to recall bertain days of the year with relative accuracy.


Article 59 : In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If they both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who brought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there.

*Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Bro Code Violations

Violations of the Bro Code may result in a fine of up to $250,000 or in some cases permanent dis-Broment. Unresolved disputes over The Bro Code may be submitted via email to the International Court of Bros at [email protected], provided such disputes include pictures of the chicks invloved. But only if they're hot-the chicks, not the disputes.

There is no greater affront to the spirit of The Bro Code than a willing violation. While occasionally a Bro may err due to inebriation, a momentary lapse of judgement, or if a chick is so hot that other Bros would say "He didn't really have a choice" any premeditated infraction of The Bro Code is inexcusable. When a Bro violates The Bro Code, he hurts not onlt his Bros but also himself, because he is no lone Bro worthy.

It's important to note that there are no tenets of The Bro Code that cannot be discussed in confidence with another Bro, and I would urge a Bro to seek permisison form another Bro before doing something, or someone, that he feels might violate this sacred code. Note: A great time to get that permission is when your Bro is super drunk...like almost passed out

If and when a violation occurs, a Bro has the right to administer the offending Bro a level of punishment befitting the infraction. He may choose from the Approved Punishments list.

Approved Punishments

Revocation of wingman status
Text blackout
Designated all-time tip leaver
Assigned to solar-refraction seat in living room
Removal from inappropriate email forwards list
Waterboarding
Temporary blacklist from barbecues/football Sundays
Loss od permanent shotgun status
Bumped from top position on "not using season tickets&qupt; list
Removal from holiday card mailing list
Revocation of airport picking/drop-off privelages
Must help offended Bro move heavy furniture
Temporary removal from usual golf foursome
Must return stuff loaned from offended Bro...even stuff he thinks his Bro forgot about
No longer allowed to borrow the truck
Offended Bro no longer recquired to bring beer over

Re: The Bro Code
 

Will post rest of Articles shortly

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 63 : A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection.

Bro-tection forms a central pillar or, more accurately, a plastic coating for the central pillar of the Bro way of life.

While not legally or physically responsible for any repercussions of failing to provide protection, it’s not uncommon for a Bro to experience pangs of guilt after a fellow Bro becomes infected with a disease. Some of which, such as children, can last an entire lifetime, like when a Bro contracts children

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 64 : A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.


Article 65 : A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.
Exception - A Bro is off the hook if a Bro orders a drink with an umbrella in it.


Article 66 : If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.


Article 67 - Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.


Article 68 - If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent.
Exception - Dry spell trumps hot streak.


Article 69 - Duh


Article 70 - A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 71 - As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.

Three Bros are cool

Three amigos
Three musketeers
The police
Apollo 13 Astronauts
The Three stooges

Exception: Hanson

Four Bros are lame

Mount Rushmore
The Fantastic Four
The Monkeys
Michael Jordan’s team mates.

Exception: The Beatles


Bro-etry Corner

One Bro makes a solo attack.
A Second Bro provides a crutch.
A Third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a Fourth Bro is one too much.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 72 : A Bro never spell-checks.


Article 73 : When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.


Article 74 : At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.


Article 75 : A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.

Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity and sometimes, with the help of extensive make-up and structural lingerie, even their body shape. As such, it is a fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Bro-fession. It's also smart: a Bro's career is to a chick what a chick's boobs are to a Bro.


Article 76 : If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic Barry White-esque tone.


Article 77 : Bros don't cuddle.


Article 78 : A Bro shall never rack jack* his wingman.

To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on the Bro code, raise his right hand, and recite the wingman pledge.

*To steal your wingman's chick = Big Time NO-NO

The Wingman's Pledge

I shall up hold the Bro Code to the fullest of my ability.

I will never allow my wingman to go home with less than a six.

I agree to swap rounds of anything with my wingman.

I will never rack jack my wingman, no mattter how hot the chick.

I pedge to never leave a wingman behind when invited to a party.

If my wingman meets a hot chick with an ugly friend, I will jump on the grenade.

If my wingman gets rejected by a chick, I shall quickly agree that she sucked anyway,even if I thought she seemed kind of cool and interesting.

Should my wingman strike up a conversation with a chick of a questionable legal age, I will certify her birth date.

If I discover evidence that my wingman's chick is in a relationship, I shall make that info available to him,unless it's pretty clear the boyfriend/husband isn't there.

I shall honor and respect the dibs system.



Article 79 : At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall light-heartedly pretend he's not mortified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.


Article 80 : A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle*, short of completing the tricycle himself

*engaging in a threesome

Rules of riding the tricycle:

1. The aggregate age of all three participants shall not exceed eighty-three (83) years.
2. The aggregate weight of all three participants shall be less than 181.44 kg.
3. No money or other considerations may be exchanged for services rendered
4. Pregnant women shall consult their physician before riding the tricycle.
5. No wheel of the tricycle shall be within three branches of another's family tree.
6. No black-soled sneakers.
7. Female participants shall refrain from destroying the illusion that this is new to them.
8. Kitchen appliances and other electrical devices are strictly forbidden.
9. Participants must shower before riding the tricycle, and definitely after.

Re: The Bro Code
 

Article 81 : A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.


Article 82 : If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to "take it back" or "apologize" to make amends. That's inhuman.


Article 83 : A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever " love" thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker.

Exceptions

- Co-worker is an 8 or better
- You are superior to the co-worker
- Co-worker dresses a little slutty
- Getting fired from job not such a bad thing
- Company recently sued for sexual harassment - unlikely to happen again
- Someone makes a bet that you can’t
- You are switching floors soon
- You and co-worker get stuck in elevator
- Co-worker soon to be fired
- Co-worker hits on you
- Co-worker going through divorce
- Co-worker not offended when you "accidentlly" email provocative self pictures to office.

Re: The Bro Code
 

;)well say.....

Re: The Bro Code
 

will post remaining Articles shortly

Re: The Bro Code
 

hello bro.... :D